Hey New Zealand! Ant Timpson Sends You An Invitation To Death

Contributing Writer; Melbourne, Australia
Hey New Zealand! Ant Timpson Sends You An Invitation To Death
A couple of days ago I received an invite in my inbox from ABCs of Death producer Ant Timpson to attend the New Zealand premiere of the film on April 20 at The Civic in Auckland. 

The invite is such a great piece of writing (that resonates for anyone who has grudgingly attended an event to support a mate or colleague) that with his permission I'm publishing it here. As the premiere is a public event, this doubles as a missive to everyone in Auckland who loves genre cinema to pony up and see the film. So without further ado:

You are cordially invited to the New Zealand Premiere of THE ABCs OF DEATH, a feature film I produced with Tim League of Austin, Texas and Magnolia Pictures NYC. The film screens in The Mighty Civic Theatre on Sat April 20th, 10pm as part of the Autumn Season of the New Zealand International Film Festival. By the way, when I say 'cordially invited', I mean buy a ticket to the event and support my premiere. 

The production of this global anthology of death was born from an innocent place; the alphabet books of my dear sweet children. The production spanned 15 countries and features new work from 26 talented genre filmmakers. The end result is something the NY Times said was "Refreshingly original" while Salon Magazine added that it was "Enormously Impressive" before the Austin Chronicle concluded that it "Soars to artistic heights and such tasteless depths".

So before you even begin with the excuses about it not being your type of film or you're too busy. Just stop right there. Over the past decades I've happily;

- Attended an exhibition of your horrible outsider art that looks like the work of a very earnest but narcissistic 4yr old.

- Bought tickets to your one-person play about the rocky relationship you had with your mother. 

- Come and listened to your lame band do Blind Lemon covers at venues that had bingo the night before.

- Brought the party to your snobbish kid's birthday every year even though I easily could have politely bowed out after their 7th.

- Read your inane pop-culture blog and replied in the comments just so you feel assured that you're adding your unique voice to the world.

- Supported your cafe/eatery regularly even though I hate your dry humorless approach to food and your insistence of putting up our mutual friends horrible outsider art on your walls.

- Listened to your endless ideas for movies that will never move beyond your lips to become reality. They appear to exist only to drill through my earwax and shrill my cerebellum into submission.

And hundreds of other frustrating and infuriating events / questions that I attended or replied to, because even though I'd rather do anything else, I feel an obligation to support you because we have a personal connection of sorts. 

And yes I do understand your hesitancy about attending my night of nights, I mean we all know The Family Movie Guide of America labelled the film "The Worst, Most Perverted Film Of All Time" and Variety Magazine, known as the industry's bible could only muster one word "Appalling".

So when you're deciding what to do this Saturday in Auckland (& Wellington on the 25th), remember me at your opening / exhibit / blog etc and realise that the polite beatific smile I wore actually masked pain and discomfort. 

Remember..... I did that for you. 

So here's to us at the NZ premiere of THE ABCs OF DEATH, let's raise a drink to all those sacrifices we make in being a true friend.

The Civic - April 20, 10pm

Thursday April 25 - 8:15pm
Paramount, Wellington
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