STOCKHOLM BLOODBATH Review: There's a Better Movie in the Edit

“A great deal of this actually happened,” states one of the many opening text cards in Stockholm Bloodbath. This is after giving us the exposition that the Danish King Kristian II has placed himself in Sweden to settle some political issues, and this is putting it kindly. In 1502, the world was still feral, and acted as such, kings leading the way into idiocy and violence in the name of heresy.

The “great deal” quote lets us know that the film will be taking liberties in the name of artistic license, and that’s fine. In the initial set up of the Swedish wedding, the Danes declare the Swedes treasonous for having dared to call out a particularly bad apple. The Danes attack and kill most of the helpless wedding party, including children; we are led to believe that Anne, the bride shot through the shoulder with an arrow, will be the main character leading the charge in this revenge tale in this Kill Bill scenario, but directed by Mikael Håfström (1408).

However, there is no main character, it’s an ensemble piece now. What happens next is a mad flurry of characters and situations, so, so many of each. We are assaulted with rapid-fire editing and split screens; and those are sometimes three images happening at once with ultra-fast wipes in transition. If I felt this kind of editing was intentional in its storytelling, I’d say that it was designed to disorient us. However, in the early part of the film, there’s an abundance of unmotivated camera moves, so the editing technique on display is nothing but flash and style, which detracts far, far more from the film than it adds.

I had a hard time trying to figure out exactly who was what and what was going on in the first act of the film. Text onscreen introduces the characters over a freezeframe when we first see an actor, but this feels more like a tongue-in-cheek joke than anything informational.

The editing and camera settles down, enough for me to partially figure things out. Anne goes through a brief 1980s training montage and must rescue her husband (I think) in a refreshing gender reversal. She’s got help in the form of the traumatized, mute Freya, another member of the nobility who was sent to live with Anne’s family for… some kind of political advantage.

Anyway, those two team up with Kristina, who becomes Sweden’s queen after her husband either dies or was captured, I’m not sure which. These three strong female characters would own the movie if the direction and editing were more sharply defined.

In fact, there’s a great movie in here with a different edit, which is a tragedy. The production values are high, the actors good to great. But the modern aesthetics and choices muddy the story and tone. I’m a fan of Claes Bang (one of the very best Draculas, who plays King Kristian II here) and his incredible presence, but he appears to be in a different movie than most of the other characters. He’s mostly over-the-top, hamming it up so much at times, that the performance gave me the flavor Alan Rickman’s Hans Gruber character did when imitating an American in Die Hard. Facetious. Other times, he appears lost in thought and dead serious.

Back to Freya, who’s got a kill list like Game of Thrones's Arya, as well as Kill Bill’s The Bride. She’s going to go on a rampage and kill some evil men, who are now a cartoonish, patriarchal farce when they hear that Kristina is Sweden’s new ruler, because any woman can’t ever rule.

Reminds me of the election here in the U.S. this week, which isn’t funny.

Similarly, I sometimes think Stockholm Bloodbath is supposed to be a comedy, but it isn’t funny, either.

And then we’re treated to a queenly makeover for Anne before they have to entertain negations with the Danes? What the hell is this?

During the negotiations and “three-day friendship celebration,” it turns out that the Danes aren’t done murdering and lying to people, and accuse the Swedes of heresy. Most of them are put to death, as heresy supersedes any immunity given in this hostile transition of power. These jerks even dig up the Queen’s husband (I think) and stillborn infant to toss in the fire and condemn to hell.

Thankfully, the last act of the film is the best, even with some dodgy CGI in a film that otherwise looks great. We get some justice and even some emotion in a touching scene with Anne’s husband on the gallows. There’s some political maneuvering and finally the Pope gets involved, via Anne and a Cardinal who won’t take this senseless murder and power grab anymore.

And there’s a post-credit scene, because I guess everyone does that these days.

If you’d like to check out the action-packed, somewhat entertaining Stockholm Bloodbath for yourself, the is out this week in the U.S., both in theatre and on-demand on November 8^th.