Poppa Must Be So Proud. Kimber Eastwood Prepares For The RAPTURE

Funny thing ... I know rapture theology is young and all - the concept being only around a hundred years old, a relative drop in the bucket of theological history - but last time I checked the concept was that God was going to take all the good Christians away before things got nasty. It very definitely was not that lightning bolts were going to come from the sky and blast people to black smudges on the pavement. But, hey! That's what reformation gets you, everybody just making their own shit up! Like rapture theology in general. (*)

It happens without warning. All electrical devices are abruptly shut down. Dark, unearthly clouds form over cities and towns from which lightning strikes and vaporizes its victims. Food and water is suddenly contaminated, causing bacterial infection that kills within the hour, Ominous robed figures sweep the cities and landscapes, vaporizing everyone in sight. Caught on the outside of civilization are four people, confronted with the unexplainable dangers surrounding them at every turn. In their perilous journey to find refuge, the burning questions arise: is this an alien attack on mankind? God's biblical wrath? Biological warfare from an earthbound enemy? As the nightmarish events continue to unfold, the grim reality becomes clear to them, that by day's end mankind will be extinct. With over 150 state-of-the-art visual effects shots, this is a timely and exciting apocalypse thriller.

Kimber Eastwood - yes, the daughter of Clint - produces this one. And, supposing that her film talent is something genetically inherited from her father, the selection of 'over 150 state-of-the-art visual effects' included in this trailer provides evidence that Clint stays away from effects because he is not genetically disposed to doing them well. Yow.

Rapture is meant to be a cautionary tale, no doubt, but what this trailer mostly cautions against is ever spending money to watch this movie. It's pretty hysterically bad.

(*) Yes, I have a degree in religious studies and am prone to ramble off course from time to time ...