TVS: Kicking Ass With the Greatest of Ease!

Let's talk weapons. Big ones. We'll leave logic at the door while we're at it. Nor are we talking about weapons that are theoretically possible, albeit, not quite as functional either. We're talkin' stuff that your inner eight year old could only dream they'll invent. Stuff that you have no hope in ever obtaining in this lifetime. Like fame and Kiera Knightley. I mean, let's face it, I could lop my hand off and buy a chainsaw right now- so Ash ain't gonna be on this list. Ibid for Ventura's Gatling gun, body-suit forklifts - even Tony Jaa's fists. Nope. All of them horribly cool and way too possible. And yes, I am jotting these few down knowing full well if any topic will result in a few rounds of: "Are you stupid? You forgot about [whatever weapon gives you a boner]???", it will be this topic. With that in mind: "Say Hello to my Very Large Friends..."

Punch the M#%^@-F&%** link to see 'em....

Zorg's ZF-1 - The Fifth Element
Sadly, this puppy only makes 2 appearances in the trailer for a combined total of roughly 15 frames. And since Gary Oldman does such an awesome job of demonstrating the thing for us, I'm just going to have to do the rare move of linking to the youtube video. . Learn about Zorg's Toy here.

Death Star / Lightsabers - Star Wars
I was scared of the rain of hatred that would fall if I didn't mention these.
While the Death Star was 160 km wide and had: 265,675 crew, 52,000 gunners, 607,000 troops, 30, 000 stormtroopers, 7,293 tie fighters 10,000 turbo laser batteries, 2,600 ion cannons and at least 768 tractor beam projectors and also included blast boats, land vehicles, assault shuttles, strike cruisers, support ships and will forever be tough to beat, I only have one lightsaber anecdote: In the RPG Star Wars Universe, (the RPG's you roll dice with) the description of the Lightsaber's capabilities consisted of one sentence: "Cuts through anything." That's all the ass kick you need right there.

An unlicensed nuclear acceleration Proton Particle Pack - Ghostbusters
Oh, I almost forgot: A defensive weapon counts. I made up that rule for two reasons 1) The proton pack is still one of the coolest weapons I've ever seen on screen and 2) I'm still pretty pissed that I can't actually get a real one for a Halloween costume. Keep in mind however, that if all else fails, this sucker could also be responsible for causing all life as we know it to stop instantaneously and making every molecule in your body explode at the speed of light. Even the Death Star can't do that.

MI Rocket Launcher / Big Blue Plasma Farts - Starship Troopers
Okay, I'll admit it, I'm not too sure which way to go on this one because on one hand, the best possible answer to: "Hey man, what's that you have there?" is: "A laser-guided, hand-held nuclear warhead." - That is of course, unless you can blow planetary-defense-sized plasma bursts out of your ass large enough to snap a carrier in half. It's a tough call.... Tough Call.

The Railgun - Erasure
This weapon is now *DISQUALIFIED* from this list. - Why?
Well, umm.. because uhh.. grab your tin foil hats kids: They built one: No really. Here's proof. Oh sure, the one they built can't fit in your hand, or even a semi truck, but using electromagnetic pulses to launch projectiles 7 times the speed of sound? Shooting an Agent just got simple.
At this rate, this movie will end up a documentary.

Heat-Signature Seeking Bullets - Runaway
Because the only thing cooler than Tom Selleck dodging heat-signature seeking bullets that can turn corners and maneuver around obstacles is dodging heat-signature seeking bullets that can turn corners and maneuver around obstacles that have been fired by Gene Simmons.

Sex Ray - Flesh Gordon
Okay, is this even a weapon? Really? In a bunch of ways it really is the "best" weapon. Don't say you wouldn't mind. Shut up.

Please know that I do realize this topic could go on forever - and whatever weapon I didn't include here -from The Noisy Cricket to Unicron- I'm sure it's fantastically awesome. And by all means, tell us about it because frankly, while the Internet is littered with "Cool Weapons" and "Favourite Weapons" lists, I submit that whatever gets typed here will be one of the only lists dedicated to weapons that just flat out kick some serious fiction tail. And go....