A Look at Hatchet Unrated Director's Cut
Hatchet generated a ton of buzz on the Internet long before its release. It promised “old school American horror” and a throwback to the 1980’s. Some writers proclaimed the film as “one of the greatest slashers of all time” and that Victor Crowley would be the next great horror character icon. Well slow the horses down there a bit…Does Hatchet really live up to all the hype? First, I think we all romanticize a bit much about how good the slasher films of the late 70’s and 80’s really were…for every Halloween and Friday the 13th there were a dozen Return to Horror Highs and Happy Birthdays to me. Believe me I know, I spent many chilly nights at the local drive-in theaters watching these films when there was me and about 10 other cars in the entire drive-in. Hey…for a teenager on a limited budget, the drive-in was a cheap night out!
Hatchet starts out just like those old slasher films…a group of people head out to the back woods for some fun and adventure…this time a haunted boat ride along the bayou in Louisiana where the customers learn about the legend of Victor Crowley, a disfigured man whose ghost is supposed to haunt the area. It’s not your typical cast of young, sex-crazed partygoers and that is a refreshing change. We do have the requisite hotties courtesy of Misty (Mercedes McNab) and Jenna (Joleigh Fioreavanti). Most will remember McNab from her role as the dumb blonde vampire, Harmony, in theBuffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel TV shows. They are responsible for the “eye-popping” nudity that’s noted on the back cover of the DVD. While they are gorgeous, do we really want a horror film to advertise “eye-popping nudity”???
Joining them is Joel Murray (Bill’s youngest brother) who has conned dim-witted Misty and Jenna into thinking he’s a movie producer for the sole purposed of capturing them flashing their boobs numerous times during the film. Fine character actor Richard Riehle (Office Space) plays Mr. Permatteo who is taking the boat ride along with his wife. The lead actor is scarecrow-lanky Joel Moore who plays Ben. Ben has convinced his best buddy Marcus to forget about an evening of Mardi Gras partying to go with him on the ride.
The boat sinks, leaving them stranded in the bayou, naturally within just a few yards of Crowleys abandoned home. It’s not long before Crowley makes his first appearance, hacking Mr. Permatteo in half from the shoulder down, and then grabbing Mrs. Permatteo by the top and bottom jaw and literally tearing her open in the film’s most memorable kill. There’s a lot of gore in Hatchet. It literally sprays as guts fly against tree trunks. The problem is that writer/director Adam Green seemed caught halfway between making a serious horror film and a spoof. The kills are executed in cartoon fashion resulting in more laughs than in scares.
Crowley (played by horror veteran Kane Hodder) looks like a cross between the Elephant Man and Pumpkin Head. He’s a frightening visage but lacks the compelling charisma of a Micheal Myers or Freddy Krueger. Speaking of Krueger, Robert Englund has a cameo as an alligator hunter and Crowley’s first victim at the start of the film. Tony Todd also has a cameo as Reverend Zombie.
Hatchet isn’t a bad film. There’s some funny dialog (most of it intentional) among the cast, particularly as Misty and Jenna argue continuously over the most insipid topics. The film looks good from a technical standpoint; very professionally shot and the kill effects were nicely done. I think I’d have enjoyed it more if it were played as a straight horror without the comedy, however.
