Venice 2013 Dispatch, Day Two And Three: How To Die Of Boring Films Only To Be Saved By Stephen Frears And Emma Dante

Contributor; Italy, The Philippines
The most important news of the day is that Apichatpong Weerasethakul has changed his name to "Joe". It's not a reference to the new David Gordon Green film, and it might even be old news, but just call the dude "Joe", no surname. Like Shakira. Or Prince. Or McLovin. That guy is a genius. And now on to the films.

Let's kill ourselves with boring films: The Police Officer's Wife (Philip Groning) is 175 minutes of inhuman stagnation. Kelly Reichardt, meanwhile - here with her latest movie, Night Moves, starring Jesse Eisenberg and Dakota Fanning - should really start considering retirement. The film is a goddamn punch in the balls, with absolutely nothing going on for two hours. Please kill me.

Other boring stuff in random order: The 70 short films to celebrate the Festival's anniversary are rubbish (saving just a few works, Catherine Breillat in primis); Santiago Palavecino's Algunas Chicas is a cheap and nasty fake Lynch copycat, and Alessandro Rosetto's Piccola Patria would make the top ten list of the worst films ever screened in Venice in the last ten years. Please kill me, repeat.

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