ZACK AND MIRI MAKE A PORNO review

Poor production value and a weak story – most everyone knows those are long-standing tenants of your average adult film. Enter Kevin Smith, everyone’s favorite purveyor of foul-mouthed, stitched-together comedies produced with Hollywood money. He is the standard bearer for hilariously raunchy dialogue, which always finds itself set amid stories with a mushy soft center. Up until now, Smith has been a say-it-don’t-show-it kind of filmmaker, and with great success for the most part. As one may surmise from the title, his latest, “Zach and Miri Make a Porno”, crosses his established line. The film dishes up a notable share of skin and sex, (none of it ever actually sexy, might I add,) and as it turns out, Smith’s sleazy aesthetic is a lot more fun when we don’t have to actually see the grotesque acts in question. But the true deal breaker here is the tired and trite boy-gets-girl, boy-loses-girl, etc.” plot at the film’s overly sappy core. With this film, Smith has in effect, delivered the Hollywood equivalent of an adult film – his standard poor production values, and a weak story.

So has Kevin Smith made a porno? Obviously no, not this time – or has he? U.S. Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart once famously remarked that while he cannot precisely define pornography, “I know it when I see it.” This raises the issue of what is merely obscene or offensive versus what is legitimately pornographic - a bag of worms that will have to wait to wait for another time. For now, I’ll also add that it’s also been said that pornography is anything that exists for purely prurient interest. “Zach and Miri Make a Porno” doesn’t quite fall into that category, but in the end, it is prurient stuff that stays with the viewer the longest. Everything in the film that doesn’t involve the porno film the title characters are making (and even some things that do) plays like hackneyed, warmed-over rom-com – and that is unquestionably a bit obscene or offensive in its own barfy way.

If this review is sounding prudish, let me backtrack by stating that I’ve seen every Kevin Smith since “Chasing Amy” in the theater, and routinely buy his DVDs, sometimes just for the hilarious commentaries. I consider his best work to be the “Clerks” films and “Chasing Amy”, (even though similarly, I think the donkey scene in the end of “Clerks II” went a bit too far), but also appreciate most of the others. In short, I understand the appeal and draw of geek-god Smith’s vulgar sensibility. And while it would seem like Seth Rogen and porno would be a perfect fit in one of his films (he is, it’s really not), “Zack and Miri” is in contention with “Mallrats” for second worst View Askew film. (“Jersey Girl”, of course, remains the uncontested all-time worst.)

If we’re to continue the comparison of this film to actual porno films, acting must be addressed as some part of the equation. Traditionally speaking, this is where the comparison would break down, as the acting in “Zack and Miri” is its strongest element. But one could also look at it this way: Where a porn actor’s job is to be overall erotic, these actors’ jobs are, ultimately, to be funny. So in that sense, the actors of “Zack & Miri” are just as skilled in their jobs as any top-flight porn talent would be in theirs.
Fair or not, there it is.
Leading the way is Seth Rogen as the affable Zack, a guy we’re supposed to believe is a down on his luck schmoe despite the fact that he shares an apartment with the luminous and vibrant Miri, who is played by Elizabeth Banks. That these are two very hot, of-the-minute actors should surprise no one, as both have proven themselves time and time again in a variety of other movies. Here, they are unleashed to play uber-versions of the characterizations they’ve become known for, particularly Rogen, who seems to have been born to become a part of the Kevin Smith stock company. Banks, not quite so much, although she certainly elevates the material she’s given. Unfortunately for her, by being in this sleaze-fest, she’s almost immediately flushed any respectable leading-lady cred she’d earned a few weeks ago from her part in Oliver Stone’s “W.” (And next week, don’t miss her in “Role Models” with Seann William Scott!)

The supporting cast is equally commendable, with Craig Robinson (NBC’s “The Office”) shining brightest as whipped husband turned reluctant porno producer. “Mac Guy” Justin Long steals the handful of scenes he’s given, as he plays the off-kilter, outspoken half of a gay porn couple alongside a visibly unsure Brandon Routh (Superman) (!!). Faring less well is actual porn actress Katie Morgan, who, along with the still notorious Traci Lords, handles the brunt of the female sexual material in the film. (For the record, don’t look for any skin from Ms. Banks – Smith seems to be as protective of her as Rogen’s Zack is of her character in the movie itself.) Smith veterans Jeff Anderson and Jason Mewes give familiar but reliable performances, although I really could’ve done without the full frontal exposure one of them offers up.

The story goes like this – desperately cash-strapped apartment mates Zack and Miri, who are longtime platonic friends but never lovers, decide to do what anyone on the brink of eviction would do – tap into the always lucrative adult film market by making a porn film starring themselves, and hope for the best! What starts out as “Star Whores” (Smith lazily dragging “Star Wars” into the gutter for the umpteenth time, this time with a joke title so stale that it pre-dates the actual release of Lucas’ original film – the crew of “Star Wars” themselves made “Star Whores” jokes) ends up as a coffee shop-based roll in the beans. In the history of highly questionable cinematic business ventures, this one has to be near the top of the “yeah, right” list. Zack and Miri repeatedly assure each other that what they’ll do in their movie is “just sex”, and doesn’t mean anything in the greater scheme of their relationship. Of course anyone who’s seen the poster could tell you that that is not going to the case here. Tensions mount as Miri begins to question why Zach has plotted the porno such that only he has a sex scene with her.

All of this points to an unfulfilled topic of interest inherent in the film’s fabric, which is the true purpose of sex in people’s lives, and if there can ever truly be meaningless “just sex”. Seeing how Smith’s premise would crumble even faster if he went down that road (the validity of pornography itself would be tarnished if not trashed if he followed Zack and Miri’s self-discoveries to their logical thematic conclusion – and hey, what fun is that?), he sees fit to deliver the easy resolutions while maintaining the rickety, raunchy worldview of the film.

All of this adds up to the familiar feeling Kevin Smith often leaves us with – feeling dirty, but also uniquely amused, and little moved. The problem here is that the scales are for perhaps the first time, fatally tipped to the former. It’s impossible to be legitimately moved when the premise is so precariously wrapped up in a filthy candy shell, barely covering a stale filling of saccharine mush. Too uncomfortably dirty for some, too gooey-eyed lovey-dovey for others, Smith has become an equal-opportunity offender. True, the filmmaker and the movie itself appropriately climax at the moment of the title characters inevitable hook-up, but the rest of the movie is like having to sleep in the wet spot.

- Jim Tudor