The Butcher The Chef and The Swordsman reviewed

The lives of three outcasts sort of converge in an effort to explain their seemingly unrelated pasts and the connection they all have with a mysteriously powerful weapon.

The Butcher, The Chef and the Swordsman (BCS for the purposes of this articles length) is well loved by Doug Liman (executive producer), who directed The Bourne Identity, and in an effort to reach the mainstream Fox International pictures presents this desperately try hard film with Doug's name attached to it. BCS could best be described as the love child of Tarantino and Zhang Yimou in terms of its frequently changing vibrancy and darkly comic vignettes. The child is not exactly an abortion but not the family favorite either and this anomaly blitzes along like a bullet train, fuelled by the attention disorders of its director Wuershan (who?).

The style should be the number one redeeming feature BCS has going for it, and indeed it would be if it did not change like traffic lights do every few scenes. Its comic palette is initially very striking and unique, but suddenly as the zodiac circle smashes onto the screen, rotating whenever a new main character enters the fray, so too does the style rotate, and it may as well be roulette night at a kid's casino. In short these first scenes are highly, but unnecessarily stylized, adding nothing to the plot or even matching what is happening on screen.

This film has been described as Tarantino-esque, but the structure is amateurish at best. Like an Asian drama or animation it stops like ad-breaks when transitioning characters and scenes. It is akin to a childish live-action anime, and the characters on scene spill their lines as quickly as possible and without any discernable skill save yelling louder than the other guy in their larger than life roles. In point of fact BCS would have worked damn well as episodic content. If one had to compare, it might be to the anime Samurai Champloo. Sure BCS breaks out of the rigorous communistic regime of film making, but it does so by going off the rails into hard Gen Y territory, extremely gonzo and scattershot, but really lacking passion to make this move forgivable.

More and more visual styles pervade the film as it runs on, like an assault to the senses, in a bad way. Worth also mentioning is the terrible musical number (only one of them, consistency not factored in) and fantastical inaccurate historical elements, both in fashion and society. Where this was set is an enigma, but to sum it up before utilizing my very own zodiac scene to transition into my next paragraph, BCS is all style and no substance (or technique).

Zoom! No picture? At least that is consistent!

Plot wise the characters are all over the place, inducing headaches with their inane banter, lame slapstick and hypocrisies. The butcher is extremely annoying; his scenes were the worst and had to be endured. The chef was the most redeeming part of the film; his plot concerned a complex revenge tale, but was interwoven with fruit ninja, iron chef and even Hero. "Be more careful" says the chef's patron, a royal eunuch; to his lackey only pausing to add "in your next life" after he accidently spills something on him, thus meeting his untimely end. This sort of black humor was very appreciated in the mash of confusion that came before it, but there was not enough of it. The swordsman scenes let the film down once again for not following consistency and instead being interwoven over the chef's story, for no great reason. More importantly however, the film should have been called The Butcher, The Chef and The Blacksmith as this is what these scenes really concern, but I suppose that title lacks some gravitas.

Flash forward to the chef again, and ultimately the highlight of this mess, to finalize the most bizarre and hilarious revenge outcome put to screen. Funnier still the epilogue of BCS uses different visual styles (effectively for once) the likes of Taiwanese computer reenactments, crude cartoons and even videogame fighting screens.

The end? Nope, the film does not even let it go there, squeezing every bit of WTF out as it can. It is inspired lunacy for sure, and the cleaver bringing everything together makes comprehension out of the plot. But sticking to my guns I can honestly say that bits are good. Much like a sketch show not every single scene works. Unfortunately The Butcher, The Chef and The Swordsman is a feature length film, where the whole is the sum of its parts, and most of those parts are broken, ineffective or never fit to begin with.

Note: Kitty Zhang Yuqi who plays Madame Mei (aka the butchers love interest) apparently stars in this movie. I argue she only made a cameo five minutes in, and five minutes to the end!

"CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON was your 

father's Chinese film.  THE BUTCHER, THE CHEF 

AND THE SWORDSMAN is on the cutting edge."  -

Doug Liman, Director (rolls eyes)