Doom Giveaway Winner Has Been Decided

I speak with my thoughts. Sit and behold.
I come to you from my pitiful existence, via my reptilian brain accompanied by my very small penis and squashed ego. I have emails offers to cure all those things I'd just like to add.

But who gets to win? If you need, Get a recap of the stories

You're probably just skipping ahead to get to the last paragraph to see what's typed.. well good for you... I'll indulge with the process regardless.
I would like to pick #3. Why? Because it made me laugh... BUT... I simply cannot. Awww crap... But 'why?' they say.. Well through the looking glass of my shattered ego, I still shant look over the heads of others and my concern lies with our almightyTodd and how cared for he is. And even with my small penis, and with my botched Wendy trip and my tight costume, no Todd worship. Admitting a large Todd-penis would have been something, albeit, perhaps admitting too much knowledge on your part. Laughter abounds as Todd lay unreferenced. So for Todd's sake, and Todd's sake alone, I can't choose 3. I'm just concerned about his safety. That and I bet Frodo had a big dick. On we go!

We're down to 1 and 2. Let's make it a deathmatch.. How fitting:

Story #1

VS
Story #2





Has a Mack reference

vs


Has
a Reptilian reference

Advantage




Has
a lot of Math

Has
a lot of syllables




Advantage

Suggests
I could have a shred of dignity

Suggests
I could be a pathalogical killer






Advantage

Likens
Todd to Christ



Likens
Todd to a Homosapien

Advantage

Contains
'leet' speak



Does
not contain 'leet' speak

Advantage




Assumes
I can read

Assumes
I can hump

Advantage




Admits
I have video game skill

Admits
half my brain works




Advantage

There you have it 2 wins. With reasons even. If you'll excuse me, I have to go make my penis bigger.