Sitges 2010: AMPHIBIOUS 3D Review

In this day and age marked by arguments as to why and how 3D technology is good for things other than making sticks poke audience members in the eye there is something inherently smile-inducing about a film using 3D for the sole purpose of making sticks poke audience members in the eye. Because, let's be honest, that sort of tricksterism always has been and always will be a major drawing point for the technology. It's a big part of what we go to these films for and the promise of exactly that is a major part of the drawing power of Bride Of Reanimator director Brian Yuzna's Amphibious 3D.

For the uninitiated, here are the basics. Amphibious 3D is Yuzna's first directorial effort in five years and his first since his production contract wrapped up with Spain's Filmax leading him to pack up his Spanish production shop and relocate to Indonesia. The promise was that Yuzna would produce a slate of Indonesian based genre films that would honor the history of horror film in the country while also giving the new generation a leg up. And after one anthology project the big star for the label was due to be creature feature Amphibious 3D in which an enormous, prehistoric sea scorpion rises from the depths to kill, maim, eat and generally do unpleasant things to whoever is foolish enough to stand in its way.

This all sounded like a very good idea but Yuzna unfortunately wastes a great deal of that initial good will with a clumsy, awkward script and universally terrible performances from his entire cast. The one recognizable name he has - Michael Pare - is inexplicably saddled with a role that has him spend most of the climactic final confrontation with the monster drifting aimlessly in a broken down boat rather than actually getting involved with the fight. And if nobody involved in the production could understand why that was a bad idea, well, you can probably guess how many other problems there are scattered throughout.

Pare is Jack Bowman, charter boat captain of dubious ethics who is hired by marine biologist Skylar Shane (Janna Fassaert) to help her find examples of surviving prehistoric life forms in the Sumatran sea. They find a big one. How's that go down? Well, seems Jack also services a gang of drunken smugglers who ply their trade based on an off shore fishing platform while using the services of purchased child labor slaves to actually do the fishing and maintain their cover. Trouble is one of the children sold to the smugglers has a sorcerer uncle who may have passed on a lesson or two and when kiddie gets angry, bad stuff happens ...

Now, with a pulpy plot line like that there's good potential for this sort of film but things start off flat with bad pacing, weak performances and a general lack of charisma from all involved. And if you're going for campy cult value you've simply got to have charisma. Without it all the weaknesses of the script are exposed and lines like "There's no such thing as fate, there's just people doing the same stupid shit over and over again" lose the zing they really should have. Too many parts are occupied by caricatures rather than characters, motivations are murky at best and there's just nobody hanging around to really care about and empathize with. And while I'm willing to forgive a lot of things in a low budget film these are all essential elements that cost nothing but a bit of time, effort and talent to get right. That Amphibious consistently doesn't get them right is a major knock against it as is the weird fact that a healthy majority of the sea scorpion action tends to move left-right / up-down rather than in-out to really take advantage of the 3D technology, thereby squandering a lot of the film's greatest technical asset.

That said, what 3D is in effect is really quite good. There's an impressive depth to many shots, good separation in the layers as things move deeper into the screen, and when Yuzna decides that the time has come to make something pop out of the screen it really does pop. The creature effects - other than the actors never seeming quite sure where they should be looking - are also quite strong and showcase better than expected CGI work. And when the effects move from creature to human the techniques move from CG to practical to great effect. There are some very solid gore gags scattered throughout - the finale sequence in particular is squirm inducing in all the right ways - though not quite as many as hoped for.

Though not without technical merit Amphibious is a film that suggests Yuzna may be better suited to his frequent role as producer rather than director. The sense of story is muddy and the handling of actors poor and without these you just aren't left with much of a movie. Some great moments, yes. A compelling overall film, not so much.