FUTURE X-COPS Review
If Andy Lau had young children then making a film like FUTURE X-COPS for them to enjoy would be perfectly understandable. But he doesn't and so his motives become immediately less clear. Wong Jing's latest cinematic offering is a flimsy mish-mash of great scenes from lots of other, much better science fiction and action movies, recreated on a far smaller budget and then strung together by an equally insubstantial time travel plot to hugely unsatisfying effect.
Lau plays Kidd Zhao, the Future X-Cop of the title, who travels back in time from the year 2080 to 2020 in order to protect a young boy who will grow up to become an influential scientist who has discovered a new type of eco-friendly fuel. Kidd is a cyborg, more machine than man, which means he's super strong, bulletproof and has a cool cell phone built into the palm of his hand. He can also fly. The problem is that his enemies are also cyborgs, led by Fan Siu Wong, who are arguably even more powerful, as they can mutate to produce wings, multi-headed hydras from their arms, or Alien-esque tails tipped with razor sharp blades. And they don't mind killing people.
In the opening attack, Kidd's wife Millie (played by Fan Bing Bing) is shot down and killed by one of the evil cyborgs and in return, Kidd kills their leader's brother. They manage to take the scientist to safety, but it is soon revealed that the cyborgs have hijacked a time traveling device and transported themselves 60 years into the past and plan to kill the doctor when he is just a kid. Why? It's never made entirely clear. And why do they travel back to 2020 instead of say, oh I don't know, 2010? That's not explained either.
Kidd travels back, where he masquerades as a clumsy traffic cop while attempting to track down the young boy. It is then revealed that Kidd has brought his young daughter Kiki (Xu Jiao from CJ7) with him. But that's not really explained either. Kidd immediately gets the full support of the local police force, including Holly (Barbie Hsu) who instantly falls in love with him. The story then flits back and forth between unnecessary slapstick and only marginally exciting action sequences until the final reel where more plot twists are thrown in for no good reason before an entirely forgettable final showdown.
FUTURE X-COPS has more in common with Jeffrey Lau's KUNG-FU CYBORG than it may care to admit, with cheap-looking CGI that fits uncomfortably around the performances, often resulting in characters reacting to things that happen a beat or two later. The action is countered by broad, fairly weak comedy, often involving characters falling over. But, unlike Lau's film, at least FUTURE X-COPS pretty much sticks to the story, without ditching its robot story for long periods to pursue irrelevant romantic subplots.
There is honestly nothing to recommend in this film and so it is both shocking and troubling to see how well it has been performing at the mainland box office. Its opening weekend here in Hong Kong is also seeing it beat out other new releases like MONGA and KICK-ASS, both of which are far superior films. The irony of all this is that the best scene in FUTURE X-COPS is also one of the most effects-heavy sequences, where the villains descend on Kidd, Kiki and the young doctor at an amusement park and the cyborgs begin flinging rollercoasters and ferris wheel cars at each other. Done with a Hollywood budget this could make for a phenomenal action sequence, whereas with Wong's limitations it proves to be merely adequate - but still better than everything it precedes or follows.
If the film's problems began and ended with its financial constraints then it could be given far more leeway, but its problems go way beyond that. There is next to no characterization, important plot points go unexplained, while others are cro-barred in at a moment's notice and what should have been a lightweight piece of sci-fi hokum is instead so lazily assembled that any goodwill is soon lost amidst confusion and frustration. But what is most unsatisfying is that in the end, you leave with the same question you went in with left unanswered - what on earth is Andy Lau doing in such a ridiculously bad, nonsensical piece of crap?
