[Our thanks to regular ScreenAnarchy reader Brad Wilson for passing along his thoughts on Shaolin Girl from Japan. Wish he had better news ...]
Ah yes.
Shaolin Girl...the Japanese sequel to an amazingly popular Chinese movie. We've all seen Stephen Chow's Shaolin Soccer and we've all cried wet sloppy tears of joy [or if you haven't, you really should check this flick out...but not the Miramax Version from what I hear]...so how does this new film stack up to the old...or even stack up as a film at all?
Is it funny? Does it feature strong characters you relate to? Do the fight scenes blow you away?
The quick answer...is no. Not by a long shot.
Sorry to tell you, there'll be no tears of joy this time round...although I imagine a few people might shed tears of rage or incomprehension.
God...this film is quite awful.
Shaolin Girl focuses around the character of Rin [Kou Shibasaki from Battle Royale and Dororo fame], a girl born with 'too much power' and without the ability to control it. The film begins in China [not 'real china' of course, we're talking about huge temples and thousands of CGI monks practicing choreographed Wu Shu...because, you know, that's what China is like], with Rin saying leaving to go back to Japan after years training with the monks.
As she leaves, the monks whisper that 'She's not ready' and other cautionary warnings we've heard spouted before in better flicks. As soon as her foot touch soil, Rin is running around trying to convince everyone she sees that they need to train in Wu Shu, Shaolin Style of course. This eventually leds her to a run down Chinese restaurant and to her dead fathers favourite student. He tells Rin to focus on something else, as Martial Arts aren't useful in the real world [evoking the down to earth theme from the original] and this is also where we are introduced to 'Iron Shirt' [Tin Kai Man] and 'Weight Vest' [Lam Chi Chung] from Shaolin Soccer. Remember them? 2 fun characters that were just that....CHARACTERS! In this film, they sit around in a the restaurant and basically slap each other, occasionally saying such amazing lines as 'Oh...egg'. No reason is given for them being in Japan or away from their teammates.
Yes, the egg gag from Soccer is back but only in the worst way, instead of being used as a comedic element, it's used to define the Weight Vest, as it's all he does in the movie is talk about eggs.
Eventually, Rin joins the local University's lacrosse team [for no clearly defined reason] and proceeds to lose games due to her power and inability to work as a team. I say this all because frankly, that's when the lacrosse stops and the story completely forgets where it's been or what it's doing. The sports element is dropped completely, only coming back during the end credits. Now...wasn't this movie about Lacrosse + Martial Arts...just like Shaolin Soccer was...Soccer + Martial Arts?
Suddenly, the principal of the University [ ? ] is sending out Cyber Ninjas. Suddenly the lacrosse team love Rin and work together to clean up her old dojo. Suddenly the dojo is burnt down by aforementioned Cyber Ninjas as they kidnap Rin's friend. Suddenly she runs off and starts fighting wave after wave of henchmen.
Awful sudden huh?
But that's the lazy script at work, jumping from scene to scene without any definable link and completely altering tone and sense for it's many whims. We're subjected to 25 minutes of fighting, as Rin progresses her way into the Uni, fighting cliched bad guy after bad guy [even throwing in an insulting Bruce Lee nod] until she gets to the evil headmaster, complete with suit and evil chuckles and 'You don't understand'...
What the hell is this?
When did the school become a complex series of bridges and rooms, all looking like the set from Cube? When did the movie suddenly become a bad parody of DragonBall Z, with people 'charging up' and flying around and surviving impossible things?
I realise the original film was not so heavily based in reality but when two characters walk on water and commence fighting...I'm lost.
It's such a sloppy film, with so many characters thrown by the wayside, themes dropped just to focus on a newer element...you know you're in a bad film when the bad guy is beaten by the most timid, flaccid movie hug in history.
It's not as though this film is all bad, indeed, it's among one of the most well photographed Japanese films I've seen in a long time...but that's it.
Apparently Kou Shibasaki trained for one year to get ready for this film. I have no idea if this fact is true but looking at the film, I doubt it. She's slow, without any sense of timing or emotion to sell the hits. In fact, everyone is slow... fighting is just pathetic and it's not helped by the terrible editing and camera work. If this is Japan's answer to Ong Bak or even to Shaolin Soccer...it's a meek, feeble answer at that.
Review by Brad Wilson