It's not every day that the stars of a movie interview each other about their respective roles in the picture and yet that is precisely what Steve Little and Robert Longstreet, the stars of Todd Rohal's The Catechism Cataclysm
, have set out to do. Too bad all the Jack Daniels obscured their original intentions. But regardless of how successful the pair may or may not have been we are pleased to present you, the ScreenAnarchy reader, with A Conversation Between Steve Little And Robert Longstreet.
INT. DIVE BAR SOMEWHERE IN BURBANK, CA -- MORNING
A man (ROBERT LONGSTREET) walks into a bar. There sits STEVE LITTLE, hammered. It's just another day at the office.
Hey Robert! How are you today?
The antibiotics are working.
That's good to hear. Are you excited to go to
Sundance this year? I heard you are lodging
at a place where you will have your very own
bathroom, is that true?
That is true. But the sad thing is I had to
chop all the firewood and do turn down service
for everyone at the house. And it's tough
'cause I am allergic to mints.
All mints or just pillow mints?
Just pillow mints.
So you starred in a movie with me this year,
do you remember that?
I do! With a tinge of sadness.
What was so sad about it?
I lost all sense of myself in your eyes.
That happens. Believe me I know. So I guess
we are supposed to interview each other for
this... are you nervous?
Yes, one of my testicles just went up in my
I heard that happen. It was popping sound
That is absolutely right, they detach like
Todd asked us not to talk about LEGOs.
You're right. My fault. I'll ask the first
How did you first hear about this project?
Well, I met Todd when I did a reading of his
script "Scoutmasters", I guess he knew me from
Eastbound and David Gordon Green recommended
me to come do a Sundance reading I think.
Anyways, that was a lot of fun, and then like
a year later Todd sent me an email and said he
wrote a movie with me in mind.
He didn't tell me much about the movie at
first, he just said in the first email, "It's
about a priest who drops his Bible in the
The minute he said "Bible", "Toilet", and "Me"
I was sold.
How did he get your email address?
I don't know. I am still upset about it.
Me too. I thought you weren't allowed to use
the Internet in prison.
No you can use it. Just not for pornography.
So tell me about Father Billy.
Do you share any similarities with the
Yes, we are both chaste.
Well, you can use powder for that.
Really? Nose powder or crotch powder?
I'm sorry I don't get the reference.
Okay, my turn. So how disappointed were you
when you found out Todd wanted you to play
Robbie instead of Father Billy?
Are there any other ways in which you wish you
All I ever wanted to be as you. But then I
thought I would have to kill Todd Rohal, but
then now I realize the only person I have to
kill is myself. CATACLYSM is a shame spiral
Cool. Cool. Very Cool.
You're a textbook enabler.
Thanks. Cool. Very cool.
Okay, so next question. How did you prepare
for the role of Robbie? Would you say your
method was more Stanislavski or Meisner?
No my methodology way more Kevorkian oriented.
Cool. I studied with him in North Hollywood.
He's amazing. In the three weeks I studied
with him, he euthanized four Greenpeace
workers and a Chihuahua.
So, this movie has a lot of heavy metal in
it. Was heavy metal part of your process?
Absolutely not. Peaches and Herb.
Wait. I'm confused. Were you just saying
"Peaches and Herb" for no reason or were they
part of your process?
No. I was just saying them.
At this point in the conversation, Robert Longstreet leaves the table to go outside and smoke cigarettes.
Ninety minutes later Longstreet returns...wearing a different shirt.
Welcome back. Now when we were filming
CATACLYSM, the canoe flipped and both of us
fell into the rapids. Were you scared?
Only of you.
What'd you think--I was grabbing your ass
Yes, I felt a feeling that wasn't aquatic.
Well, what was it?
I think you're well aware of the size of
Have you been on a small boat before this
film or was your experience strictly limited
Well, I have been on boats before. I have
been canoeing before. And I have been on
ships before, including cruise ships. I
have been even been on a submarine at
Are you fucking with me?
I am not fucking with you.
Do you know the difference between a bridge
and a train trestle?
A train trestle is heavier, I think.
CUT TO BLACK: