Boozie Movies At Danger After Dark! BIG TITS ZOMBIE 3D Review!
[Back in January regular ScreenAnarchy reader indiemaker drank a great deal of alcohol, watched Isaac Florentine's Ninja and sent us a wildly entertaining review as a result. He pledges to maintain this tradition throughout Philadelphia's Danger After Dark Festival.]
You might think you know exactly what you're getting into with a film boasting the title, Big Tits Zombie 3D. Obviously, you can't have any expectations of anything resembling a quality film. But you're probably feeling confident that you're going to have a fun time right? Deep down, I was secretly hoping for something along the lines of The Glamorous Life of Sachiko Hanai.
But I'm here to warn you not to be fooled into the promise of pure, unabashed sleaze entertainment. No amount of booze or any other type of recreational substance is going to make this film enjoyable. Big Tits 3D made Robogeisha look like the Citizen Kane of Japanese splatter comedy. This film doesn't even deliver on the promise of its title. There are no zombies with big tits, hell, there's hardly any tits at all. If you want a guilty pleasure B-movie full of nudity and zombies, stick with Zombie Strippers, and that's actually a half way decent satire.
This is an ultra cheap, 73 minute piece of garbage quickly slapped together so you can be sold on the title. You're paying for the title and the title alone. There's more nudity, more gore, and more action in the dreadful Onechanbara films. The 3D of the title is only utilized for certain scenes ala Vincent Price's House of Wax. But even these very few scenes are completely broken. The 3D is so poorly produced that it doesn't even work at all. It's actually difficult to watch. Most people took their glasses off due to the eye strain.
I really can't think of a single positive thing about this film. My audience tried to make the best of it, they tried to cheer and laugh, but there's not much to cheer or laugh at. The cheering waned around a half hour in, and by the 50 minute mark, the heckling started. People wanted this to end. Barely over an hour long, the film drags terribly and the audience grew restless. I have seen live action hentai porn with better effects and more engaging storylines and I'm embarrassed that I just admitted that I've even seen live action hentai porn with better effects and more engaging storylines. The cast is made up almost entirely of AV idols making the restraint all the more aggravating. I've been told from a trusted source that the director is a crazy man that hosts wild S & M parties in Tokyo. And here he is working with a cast of porn stars who seem game for anything. This thing should've been fucking nuts.
I simply don't understand why this film needs to exist although I do understand why Travis Crawford programmed this into DAD. Of all the great films that have played this past week, this is the ONLY one to sell out with a line around the block still waiting on standby. This is the ONLY film that has had a second screening added; not Gone with the Pope, not even Enter the Void, just this, a 73 minute DTV that looks like it was shot on VHS. But it was the title that the crowds flocked to. It's Japanese, it promises gore and nudity, and it's in 3D. Is there anything else you really need to know? Yeah, Red White and Blue played the following night to a crowd of 15. A remarkable, heart wrenching, deconstructionist/revisionist horror film that's DAD's true bread and butter could hardly muster a sizeable crowd. Unfortunately, if you're in programming in Philly, you need Big Tits 3D to make up for the loss in revenue from Red White and Blue. Even more than seeing a bad movie, seeing the disparity of crowds between this and the others is what made this a truly depressing film experience.
Review by indiemaker and his magical flask.
You might think you know exactly what you're getting into with a film boasting the title, Big Tits Zombie 3D. Obviously, you can't have any expectations of anything resembling a quality film. But you're probably feeling confident that you're going to have a fun time right? Deep down, I was secretly hoping for something along the lines of The Glamorous Life of Sachiko Hanai.
But I'm here to warn you not to be fooled into the promise of pure, unabashed sleaze entertainment. No amount of booze or any other type of recreational substance is going to make this film enjoyable. Big Tits 3D made Robogeisha look like the Citizen Kane of Japanese splatter comedy. This film doesn't even deliver on the promise of its title. There are no zombies with big tits, hell, there's hardly any tits at all. If you want a guilty pleasure B-movie full of nudity and zombies, stick with Zombie Strippers, and that's actually a half way decent satire.
This is an ultra cheap, 73 minute piece of garbage quickly slapped together so you can be sold on the title. You're paying for the title and the title alone. There's more nudity, more gore, and more action in the dreadful Onechanbara films. The 3D of the title is only utilized for certain scenes ala Vincent Price's House of Wax. But even these very few scenes are completely broken. The 3D is so poorly produced that it doesn't even work at all. It's actually difficult to watch. Most people took their glasses off due to the eye strain.
I really can't think of a single positive thing about this film. My audience tried to make the best of it, they tried to cheer and laugh, but there's not much to cheer or laugh at. The cheering waned around a half hour in, and by the 50 minute mark, the heckling started. People wanted this to end. Barely over an hour long, the film drags terribly and the audience grew restless. I have seen live action hentai porn with better effects and more engaging storylines and I'm embarrassed that I just admitted that I've even seen live action hentai porn with better effects and more engaging storylines. The cast is made up almost entirely of AV idols making the restraint all the more aggravating. I've been told from a trusted source that the director is a crazy man that hosts wild S & M parties in Tokyo. And here he is working with a cast of porn stars who seem game for anything. This thing should've been fucking nuts.
I simply don't understand why this film needs to exist although I do understand why Travis Crawford programmed this into DAD. Of all the great films that have played this past week, this is the ONLY one to sell out with a line around the block still waiting on standby. This is the ONLY film that has had a second screening added; not Gone with the Pope, not even Enter the Void, just this, a 73 minute DTV that looks like it was shot on VHS. But it was the title that the crowds flocked to. It's Japanese, it promises gore and nudity, and it's in 3D. Is there anything else you really need to know? Yeah, Red White and Blue played the following night to a crowd of 15. A remarkable, heart wrenching, deconstructionist/revisionist horror film that's DAD's true bread and butter could hardly muster a sizeable crowd. Unfortunately, if you're in programming in Philly, you need Big Tits 3D to make up for the loss in revenue from Red White and Blue. Even more than seeing a bad movie, seeing the disparity of crowds between this and the others is what made this a truly depressing film experience.
Review by indiemaker and his magical flask.
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