SUBMARINE's Oliver Tate Has A Message For You.

With production about to begin on coming of age comedy Submarine - the directorial debut of British comic Richard Ayoade, adapted from the novel by Joe Dunthorne - fifteen year old Oliver Tate would like to tell you a few things about himself.

I have been waiting too long for the film of my life. My name is Oliver Tate. This film will capture my particular idiosyncrasies, for example, the way I seduce my classmate Jordana Bevan using only my mind.  Also, since my parents' marriage is being threatened by a man who runs courses on Mental and Physical Wellbeing, the film will probably feature some elaborate set-pieces of me taking him down. There will be helicopter shots. There will be slow-mo, but also transcendent moments, like when I cure my father's depression. Knowing me as I do, I will be surprised if this film runs to less than three hours. Note to the press: appropriate adjectives to describe this film include "breath-taking" and "irresistible" as well the phrase: "a monumental achievement".

I'm going to hold you to the promise of helicopter slo-mo, Oliver.  Paddy Considine, Sally Hawkins and Craig Roberts - as Oliver - star.